Put me in, Coach!

This year, God has really put it heavy in my heart and mind that I need to be purposeful and persistent in working on my marriage. Earl and I don't have typical marital struggles. We have always enjoyed doing the same kinds of things, such as fishing, entertaining friends at our home, or listening to live Americana music. When we get the chance to go on a date or have a few hours to goof off, it's not hard for us to find something fun to do and reconnect. Earl is very affectionate, and, while I wish he would be more open with feelings about big things (hopes and dreams for the future), I'm not really the kind of girl who wants her man to talk about everything in the world- past, present and future. We just fit nicely together. As I write this, I keep thinking that we should have it pretty easy. Unfortunately, just like with anything that needs nuturing, neglect has taken its toll in this area of our life.

When our youngest daughter, Abby, was diagnosed with leukemia a few years ago, Earl and I had just finished building a new home. Don't confuse this....we did not have a new home built -- we built the house ourselves. My hubby is a carpenter, and he was the general contractor and did a majority of the labor. The kids, our friends, and I pitched in where we could. My parents were here to help with everything too. A true family affair. Our friends laughed that since our marriage had survived homebuilding, it could survive anything! I believed that. There was so much give and take, so many times we had to rely on God and each other. So many unknowns when we just had to have faith.

Less than two months later, we were sitting in an oncologist's office as he explained what the rest of our foreseeable future would be like. Not enjoying the huge front porch of our brand new home, but instead, months and months of hospital stays and sleepless nights. Our marriage became second. And what I have found is once you but something on the back burner too long, it is very hard to get it right again.

I once told our pastor that I felt like Earl and I were just two people on Abby's medical team. Our life revolved around her care. It had to. She was fighting for her life! I'm not saying that Earl and I could have done anthing differently during this time. When he wasn't at the hospital with Abby, he was trying to fit some work in to support our family (and keep himself from going stir crazy!). When I was home, I would try to spend time with our three older kids. We were just surviving. Barely. As time went on and Abby was spending less time in the hospital and more time at home, we were still on this separate path. I tried to make up for lost time with my big kids while running back and forth to doctors' appointments with Abby. Earl was trying to rebuild his business to provide for our family. Again, everything we were doing was good. But our marriage was still in the background.

So here we are in 2010. Two people who love each other very much, who have built a beautiful family and an amazing home. Two people who love the Lord and put full faith and trust in Him. If you are having trouble in your marriage, I do not want this post to discourage you....instead, I want you to see that we all fall prey to Satan's lie. God wants us to work on our marriage. Satan will tell us that if we are serving God, those things will take care of themselves. God wants us to be purposeful about serving, honoring, and just plain being there for our spouse. Satan will say it is ok that we put our work, our children, or other pursuits first just for a "season."

So this year, I'm not buying Satan's garbage that my marriage will be here waiting for me when Abby is healed, when the kids are in college, when....whatever. My marriage has to be second only to the Lord. If I have put my full trust in Him, then I will obey His commmand to honor my husband. Ephesians 5:22-32

We already got a great start on this by spending the weekend of Valentine's Day at a marriage retreat. It was an amazing time. No TV, no phone calls or emails to answer. Just time to focus on each other. Our speaker gave us some great tools to use, and even used some role play with her own husband to demonstrate how to use them. Earl and I both were really impressed with how much useful information we were given. And it came in God's good timing. Last fall, we took a class at church where we when through the book, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs together. That book really taught us where differences in our communication patterns cause misunderstandings. Purposefully combining all of this information doesn't even seem overwhelming. I'm excited to have a new understanding of my husband, how he thinks and communicates, and how to handle conficts so that he doesn't run away and I don't get off track and into crazyland.

So when a challenge came through on Twitter from Lisa B, I jumped at the chance to continue to be purposeful in honoring my husband and my marriage. We will be reading through The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. Lisa will be blogging, and I (hopefully) will too! Consider grabbing this book off your bookshelf or at the bookstore this weekend and join us. We'll be reading a chapter a day (weekdays only) starting Monday, February 22.

My marriage does not have to wait anymore. I'm putting it at the top of my list, just under Christ. I'm ready to come in off the bench, ready to play, to fight, to give this my all.