Faith, the Future, and Finding Lost Things

Also titled: "Can God Just Give Abby a Break?"

I'd like to share with you a few things I have learned this week.

Number One: I don't care. No, I'm not having a nervous breakdown. I'm not in a serious clinical depression that needs immediate intervention. But I have discovered that there are a few specific things that I just really don't care much about. This came to me as I was driving down our road yesterday after a long day at the doctor's office with Abby. My 12 year old SUV is in need of new tires and work on the exhaust and it makes a lot of noise...rattling both under the hood and on the inside. I guess I was grumbling to myself that I really need a new car. I pulled up in the driveway and let out a huge sigh knowing through the door on my beautiful front porch awaited a sink full of dishes, piles of laundry and more dust than Oklahoma in the 1930's. I sat for a moment, and that is when it hit me: I don't care. I honestly could care less about the things of this world.

Jesus told us not to store up treasures here, but in heaven (Matt. 6:19-21), because our heart is where our treasure is. I didn't set out to make the things of earth not matter. But over the past few years, my heart has transitioned (or better yet, been transformed) to longing for heaven. This has come from the many trials God has put in my path. I'm tired, but plodding onward knowing that the goal is so very worth it. Because I know that in the end, I have a glorious eternity in the presence of our Lord. As I become more homesick for heaven , my attitude toward "things" slowly follows. So even though I most likely need a newer car, I don't worry about it. And while I do want to take care of my home and make it a peaceful, inviting place to be, I don't worry so much about my furniture being hand-me-down or my curtains not matching my comforter.

I do care very much about people. And dogs. And brownies and fudge (no nuts, please). And I care a lot about other things that God cares about. But I don't care that my car is rattley and that dust bunnies have found safe haven under my couch. Because, truly, my heart is not even here.

Number Two: There is a reason Jesus told us to have faith like a child. Jesus actually tells us to "change and become like little children" (Matt 18:3) and to receive the Kingdom of God like a child (see passages in Mark and Luke in the previous link). If you really listen to a child, their faith is so pure, so complete. They do think about what they are taught and they ask hard questions (then wait expectantly while we fumble around for answers). But they also pray with a boldness and an intimacy with the Lord that many of us have lost.

Our youngest, Abby, has been battling leukemia for almost five years. This has been a roller coaster....certainly the hardest thing our family has faced. Abby's bloodwork was not what the doctor expected to see last week, so he scheduled a bone marrow aspiratation to gain a sample of her marrow to send off for testing. When I told our son about this, he held his hands high in the air, lifted his face toward heaven and said in exasperation, "When will we be done with this?" A sweet friend of Abby's also heard the news of this test and the need to pray for the results. She said, "Mom, can God just give Abby a break?"

Bold. Honest. No fluff, no ritual, no holding back. Jesus tells me I need to change to be like this as I approach Him. These two precious kids prayed what I have been yelling in my brain for years. Not "Why?" Not "What are you thinking, God?" Just "Peace, please Lord."

Number Three: "Baby Jesus lost and found, please bring _____ back around." I needed to find a lost thing for Bible study. My friend and co-leader recited that little poem over the phone to me as I was searching my house. She said it always worked for her daughter, you just fill in the blank with the lost item, such as "my keys" or "Teddy bear." I thought it sounded like a line from a very old child's poetry book crossed with Ricky Bobby's prayers in "Talladega Nights". But guess what. It worked! Before I even hung up the phone I had knew I needed to go look out in our barn. And there it was...not in plain sight necessarily, but my eyes went right to it.

My lost thing. Seriously. It was right there. Maybe Ricky Bobby was on to something.

Put me in, Coach!

This year, God has really put it heavy in my heart and mind that I need to be purposeful and persistent in working on my marriage. Earl and I don't have typical marital struggles. We have always enjoyed doing the same kinds of things, such as fishing, entertaining friends at our home, or listening to live Americana music. When we get the chance to go on a date or have a few hours to goof off, it's not hard for us to find something fun to do and reconnect. Earl is very affectionate, and, while I wish he would be more open with feelings about big things (hopes and dreams for the future), I'm not really the kind of girl who wants her man to talk about everything in the world- past, present and future. We just fit nicely together. As I write this, I keep thinking that we should have it pretty easy. Unfortunately, just like with anything that needs nuturing, neglect has taken its toll in this area of our life.

When our youngest daughter, Abby, was diagnosed with leukemia a few years ago, Earl and I had just finished building a new home. Don't confuse this....we did not have a new home built -- we built the house ourselves. My hubby is a carpenter, and he was the general contractor and did a majority of the labor. The kids, our friends, and I pitched in where we could. My parents were here to help with everything too. A true family affair. Our friends laughed that since our marriage had survived homebuilding, it could survive anything! I believed that. There was so much give and take, so many times we had to rely on God and each other. So many unknowns when we just had to have faith.

Less than two months later, we were sitting in an oncologist's office as he explained what the rest of our foreseeable future would be like. Not enjoying the huge front porch of our brand new home, but instead, months and months of hospital stays and sleepless nights. Our marriage became second. And what I have found is once you but something on the back burner too long, it is very hard to get it right again.

I once told our pastor that I felt like Earl and I were just two people on Abby's medical team. Our life revolved around her care. It had to. She was fighting for her life! I'm not saying that Earl and I could have done anthing differently during this time. When he wasn't at the hospital with Abby, he was trying to fit some work in to support our family (and keep himself from going stir crazy!). When I was home, I would try to spend time with our three older kids. We were just surviving. Barely. As time went on and Abby was spending less time in the hospital and more time at home, we were still on this separate path. I tried to make up for lost time with my big kids while running back and forth to doctors' appointments with Abby. Earl was trying to rebuild his business to provide for our family. Again, everything we were doing was good. But our marriage was still in the background.

So here we are in 2010. Two people who love each other very much, who have built a beautiful family and an amazing home. Two people who love the Lord and put full faith and trust in Him. If you are having trouble in your marriage, I do not want this post to discourage you....instead, I want you to see that we all fall prey to Satan's lie. God wants us to work on our marriage. Satan will tell us that if we are serving God, those things will take care of themselves. God wants us to be purposeful about serving, honoring, and just plain being there for our spouse. Satan will say it is ok that we put our work, our children, or other pursuits first just for a "season."

So this year, I'm not buying Satan's garbage that my marriage will be here waiting for me when Abby is healed, when the kids are in college, when....whatever. My marriage has to be second only to the Lord. If I have put my full trust in Him, then I will obey His commmand to honor my husband. Ephesians 5:22-32

We already got a great start on this by spending the weekend of Valentine's Day at a marriage retreat. It was an amazing time. No TV, no phone calls or emails to answer. Just time to focus on each other. Our speaker gave us some great tools to use, and even used some role play with her own husband to demonstrate how to use them. Earl and I both were really impressed with how much useful information we were given. And it came in God's good timing. Last fall, we took a class at church where we when through the book, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs together. That book really taught us where differences in our communication patterns cause misunderstandings. Purposefully combining all of this information doesn't even seem overwhelming. I'm excited to have a new understanding of my husband, how he thinks and communicates, and how to handle conficts so that he doesn't run away and I don't get off track and into crazyland.

So when a challenge came through on Twitter from Lisa B, I jumped at the chance to continue to be purposeful in honoring my husband and my marriage. We will be reading through The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. Lisa will be blogging, and I (hopefully) will too! Consider grabbing this book off your bookshelf or at the bookstore this weekend and join us. We'll be reading a chapter a day (weekdays only) starting Monday, February 22.

My marriage does not have to wait anymore. I'm putting it at the top of my list, just under Christ. I'm ready to come in off the bench, ready to play, to fight, to give this my all.

The Power of Prayer

It is so fun to see God show up in a big way. And to see what power there is in prayer.



I texted two of my girlfriends yesterday and asked them to pray for me. My ex-husband was coming to pick up my son, Zac. The ex had said some very ugly things on the phone to Zac and to me, but my sweet son decided to go with his father anyway. I was super angry at my ex and was a little disappointed that Zac was still going to go. I was grumbling all sorts of nonsense in my head and plotting the demise of my children's father. Silly, childish, and yucky. So I called my girls....and they prayed.



When the ex got to town and picked Zac up, I just smiled and hugged my son and was polite to his dad. It wasn't until much later yesterday evening that I even remembered I had all sorts of evil plans!!! I was about to grumble at myself for missing my chance at revenge, when a small voice reminded me that I had asked my friends to pray. I'm sure they did not pray for my ex-husband to be wiped off the earth. I'm sure they prayed for God to show up. And He did! My silence was probably more unsettling to my ex than any of my silly rantings would have been. And had I not told my girlfriends about my anger in the first place, I don't know if I could have even done the right thing! I am grateful for faithful friends and a big, big God.

Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16