I love it when God reminds me of His love and Sovereignty. Sometimes these reminders come as a pat on the back...recognition for following Him. But sometimes God has to remind me in a more in-your-face way. These reminders always interrupt something-- a pity party, a gloat fest, me ogling something I am coveting.
I was sitting in the doctors office with my youngest daughter, Abby, the weariness weighing heavy on me. She has been battling cancer for almost four years. As the doctor examines her and tells me to bring her back in tomorrow, I feel the frustration rising in me. The 80 mile round trip drive wears me out and I'm realizing we'll be making the trip every day this week. I don't say it, but my spirit is thinking "Why? Why now?"
The doctor leaves to order Abby's antibiotic and I plop back in my chair. My phone dings, signaling an email. I don't usually take email, calls, or texts during doctor visits, but I know we have a bit of wait. I figure I'll read my emails, which are certainly junk, then play a game or check Facebook. I open the email, which is from my Wednesday evening Bible study leader, and I see exactly what I need at that moment...what God knows I need to hear. The body of the email contains Paul's words in Hebrews reminding us that sometimes, life is exhausting, frustrating, confusing.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12: 1-3
Finding joy in my struggles is not always easy, but realizing my God loves me enough to send me an email to remind me to persevere sure does help!!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Time to Shine!
I am so excited! I have been asked to lead a Shine Shop again this year at the SHINE Conference. I will be speaking to mothers about their relationship with their daughters (and sons). I didn't really think I should be leading a breakout session on "mothering" as I'm just getting to the good part (my oldest is 15). But God impressed upon me that it is imperative that I share what I do know....and that is how my relationship was with my mom.
My parents were (and still are!) wonderful, Godly people. They did what they knew, which is just what their parents did. We didn't talk about much. I didn't know if we ever had money troubles and never saw my parents have an argument. They didn't talk about sex, drugs, etc. except to tell me not to do it. There was no open door for discussion, no reasons for things that didn't make sense. I assumed they had been perfect, obedient teens, and that their adult lives had been stress-free. When my life began to unravel in college, I didn't turn to my mom. I didn't really turn to anyone. Mistake after mistake turned into depression and shame, and I didn't know how to make the Crazy Train stop. I needed help, but I didn't know where to turn.
My session will discuss being an accessible parent. One your child knows she can come to. That doesn't mean that we dig out all the "skeletons in the closet." But it does mean being open and honest. When we don't discuss things with our kids, they make up their own reasons/excuses/ideas. They yearn for answers, and if we aren't available to lead them to the answers that God has given us in His Word, and share the experiences we have been through, then our sweet children will look elsewhere. To our children, we become either dark and mysterious, or holy and perfect. Inaccessible.
Nothing would be a better testimony to the power of Christ's love than to share your own true story of redemption with your child. God really has given us the tools...His Word and our past. Sharing parts of our past can be very hard. But God will lead you to share the right words at the right time. You will be amazed at the power your life can have on your children!
Your sweet child already thinks you are the greatest...imagine what she'll think when she also knows you are real.
My parents were (and still are!) wonderful, Godly people. They did what they knew, which is just what their parents did. We didn't talk about much. I didn't know if we ever had money troubles and never saw my parents have an argument. They didn't talk about sex, drugs, etc. except to tell me not to do it. There was no open door for discussion, no reasons for things that didn't make sense. I assumed they had been perfect, obedient teens, and that their adult lives had been stress-free. When my life began to unravel in college, I didn't turn to my mom. I didn't really turn to anyone. Mistake after mistake turned into depression and shame, and I didn't know how to make the Crazy Train stop. I needed help, but I didn't know where to turn.
My session will discuss being an accessible parent. One your child knows she can come to. That doesn't mean that we dig out all the "skeletons in the closet." But it does mean being open and honest. When we don't discuss things with our kids, they make up their own reasons/excuses/ideas. They yearn for answers, and if we aren't available to lead them to the answers that God has given us in His Word, and share the experiences we have been through, then our sweet children will look elsewhere. To our children, we become either dark and mysterious, or holy and perfect. Inaccessible.
Nothing would be a better testimony to the power of Christ's love than to share your own true story of redemption with your child. God really has given us the tools...His Word and our past. Sharing parts of our past can be very hard. But God will lead you to share the right words at the right time. You will be amazed at the power your life can have on your children!
Your sweet child already thinks you are the greatest...imagine what she'll think when she also knows you are real.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Something big is coming....
Have you ever had that feeling that something is about to happen? Maybe it's while watching a sporting event, and you can just tell that the momentum of the game is leading up to a spectacular play. It happens in movies, when the plot and the musical score have been building up. Sometimes it's as simple as watching your kids roughhouse, and being right about the exact moment that one of them starts to cry.
Much of this seems based on experience. We understand cause and effect. But what about when it comes to the workings of God? What makes us catch our breath and watch with anticipation for some event that we feel He is telling us is coming?
I have been having this feeling a lot lately. Partially because the Bible study I am in is changing the lives of women who need healing from their past. It is a joy and an honor to watch these women be set free from their guilt and shame, to hold their heads high and to finally fully understand Christ's sacrifice for our sin. Awesome! But it is also in my personal life. My youngest daughter's battle with cancer is not going the way I want it to. I have a feeling something is coming and I need to get ready. Not a running around crazy kind of ready, like when you've put off packing for a long trip until the night before your 6am flight leaves. More like I need to be still and listen to God, to read His Word. To ready my heart and mind. To rest in Him.
"Be strong and courageous."
"Be still and know that I am God."
Provider
Comforter
Counselor
Prince of Peace
Mighty God
Holy of Holies.
These are the verses and the names of God I hear. My heart is crying out to be filled with Him. And even though I am of course praying for healing for my daughter, I am still more overwhelmed with a sense of ME needing to be filled with HIM. I feel as though I need to do something--but that something still seems to be waiting wide-eyed at what God has planned.
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42: 1-2,5,6
Much of this seems based on experience. We understand cause and effect. But what about when it comes to the workings of God? What makes us catch our breath and watch with anticipation for some event that we feel He is telling us is coming?
I have been having this feeling a lot lately. Partially because the Bible study I am in is changing the lives of women who need healing from their past. It is a joy and an honor to watch these women be set free from their guilt and shame, to hold their heads high and to finally fully understand Christ's sacrifice for our sin. Awesome! But it is also in my personal life. My youngest daughter's battle with cancer is not going the way I want it to. I have a feeling something is coming and I need to get ready. Not a running around crazy kind of ready, like when you've put off packing for a long trip until the night before your 6am flight leaves. More like I need to be still and listen to God, to read His Word. To ready my heart and mind. To rest in Him.
"Be strong and courageous."
"Be still and know that I am God."
Provider
Comforter
Counselor
Prince of Peace
Mighty God
Holy of Holies.
These are the verses and the names of God I hear. My heart is crying out to be filled with Him. And even though I am of course praying for healing for my daughter, I am still more overwhelmed with a sense of ME needing to be filled with HIM. I feel as though I need to do something--but that something still seems to be waiting wide-eyed at what God has planned.
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42: 1-2,5,6
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The miracle of summer
Ok...I'm just going to call it a miracle. Because it will be a miracle when I survive this summer!
I always seem to be holding my breath in May, as if making it until the end of school will mean time to breathe deep and relax. It never turns out that way, but I do the same thing every year. This year is no different. I looked toward summer as a time to be free, to enjoy life. But instead, I feel just as busy as ever. True, we waste a ton of time doing absolutely nothing. It's not really relaxing, but a laziness induced by the unbearable heat. We have not been able to enjoy going to the pool, because Abby cannot go. Even our evenings, usually spent on the back porch, have been shorter because Abby sunburns so easily we have to wait until 8 or 9pm to go out.
We have spent our first summer in Select basketball also. When we signed up, it didn't seem like having practice twice per week and tourney twice a month would be a big deal. But when we throw that in with conditioning camps, doctors, orthodontists, church activities and small group, we have had little time just to hang out with friends or each other.
I know this is a "season" of life. And I certainly realize I am a busy woman because God has blessed me with four children here on earth, a husband who works, and His provision to be able to do things like summer basketball and orthodontic treatments. I'm not complaning! I know that my crazy summer schedule is due to a full house and a full heart.
The start of school really is just around the corner. Summer is short. Enjoy it!
I always seem to be holding my breath in May, as if making it until the end of school will mean time to breathe deep and relax. It never turns out that way, but I do the same thing every year. This year is no different. I looked toward summer as a time to be free, to enjoy life. But instead, I feel just as busy as ever. True, we waste a ton of time doing absolutely nothing. It's not really relaxing, but a laziness induced by the unbearable heat. We have not been able to enjoy going to the pool, because Abby cannot go. Even our evenings, usually spent on the back porch, have been shorter because Abby sunburns so easily we have to wait until 8 or 9pm to go out.
We have spent our first summer in Select basketball also. When we signed up, it didn't seem like having practice twice per week and tourney twice a month would be a big deal. But when we throw that in with conditioning camps, doctors, orthodontists, church activities and small group, we have had little time just to hang out with friends or each other.
I know this is a "season" of life. And I certainly realize I am a busy woman because God has blessed me with four children here on earth, a husband who works, and His provision to be able to do things like summer basketball and orthodontic treatments. I'm not complaning! I know that my crazy summer schedule is due to a full house and a full heart.
The start of school really is just around the corner. Summer is short. Enjoy it!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The Power of Prayer
It is so fun to see God show up in a big way. And to see what power there is in prayer.
I texted two of my girlfriends yesterday and asked them to pray for me. My ex-husband was coming to pick up my son, Zac. The ex had said some very ugly things on the phone to Zac and to me, but my sweet son decided to go with his father anyway. I was super angry at my ex and was a little disappointed that Zac was still going to go. I was grumbling all sorts of nonsense in my head and plotting the demise of my children's father. Silly, childish, and yucky. So I called my girls....and they prayed.
When the ex got to town and picked Zac up, I just smiled and hugged my son and was polite to his dad. It wasn't until much later yesterday evening that I even remembered I had all sorts of evil plans!!! I was about to grumble at myself for missing my chance at revenge, when a small voice reminded me that I had asked my friends to pray. I'm sure they did not pray for my ex-husband to be wiped off the earth. I'm sure they prayed for God to show up. And He did! My silence was probably more unsettling to my ex than any of my silly rantings would have been. And had I not told my girlfriends about my anger in the first place, I don't know if I could have even done the right thing! I am grateful for faithful friends and a big, big God.
Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
I texted two of my girlfriends yesterday and asked them to pray for me. My ex-husband was coming to pick up my son, Zac. The ex had said some very ugly things on the phone to Zac and to me, but my sweet son decided to go with his father anyway. I was super angry at my ex and was a little disappointed that Zac was still going to go. I was grumbling all sorts of nonsense in my head and plotting the demise of my children's father. Silly, childish, and yucky. So I called my girls....and they prayed.
When the ex got to town and picked Zac up, I just smiled and hugged my son and was polite to his dad. It wasn't until much later yesterday evening that I even remembered I had all sorts of evil plans!!! I was about to grumble at myself for missing my chance at revenge, when a small voice reminded me that I had asked my friends to pray. I'm sure they did not pray for my ex-husband to be wiped off the earth. I'm sure they prayed for God to show up. And He did! My silence was probably more unsettling to my ex than any of my silly rantings would have been. And had I not told my girlfriends about my anger in the first place, I don't know if I could have even done the right thing! I am grateful for faithful friends and a big, big God.
Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
Monday, July 6, 2009
Not quite how I wanted it....
I had hoped to be well on my way to a most fabulous blog by now. But life gets in the way sometimes. I have really been struggling with having the energy to do the things I need to. My house is a mess, my kids are getting lazy, and I'm staying up way too late with them watching dumb movies!
I really need to just take a deep breath and get on my knees and ask God to help me start each day over.
I really need to just take a deep breath and get on my knees and ask God to help me start each day over.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Front Row
There are people who say that miracles were only in Bible times. They say that God is silent in our world. This blog is to chronicle the miracles in my life. God is at work all around me. I see Him working in huge ways, and I can't believe anyone would think these things are luck or coincidence. It's too much of a stretch to think that. There are too many times He has saved me from myself. Too many provisions when it looked like I was at the end of my wallet, my time, my patience, my courage. Too much comfort when the pain was seemingly unmanageable. Too much grace for my big screw-ups. And too many times when I randomly opened the Bible and began reading, then found the words to be exactly what I needed to hear. For me, God is alive. He is active and He delights in taking part in my life. And I am thankful that He has chosen me to have front row seats to watch His work, His miracles.
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